Bullies, do ever get rid of them?

At the beginning of this year I resolved to update everyday and blog about my successes or failures to hold myself accountable. The past few days have been a challenge. My youngest daughter stands up to the kids that bully the little guy (she has 2 learning disabilities and is often made fun of for it too) has been dealing with cyberbullying and yesterday it made it's way into the school. I have held my daughter while she cries her eyes out and even as she made comments that seriously scared the heck out of me.  The school is involved and today the police will be involved. So it has been a little hard to find happiness the past few days.

 

When my kids entered school, I taught them to stand up for those kids that are made fun of every day and called horrible, hurtful names. Stand up to the mean kids and don't back down. Right now, my youngest daughter is missing school because of what one boy said on Facebook and what others said about her and because 61 people liked his comment about being a hypocritical whore. The comments he made, made me cry and feel like I was back in high school. She has lost her determination to beat this bully and his hurtful words and the words of others. My daughter has only been "mean" to the so-called better kids who obviously can dish the hate but can't take it when they are stood up too.

 

I was a student of the same school that my kids currently attend. Kind of strange for an Army spouse to say but God and the Army decided my hometown was where we needed to be stationed the longest and most often. I was bullied by the rich, popular, pretty, skinny, the so-called better kids. I cried myself to sleep almost every night because I didn't understand why. I was ugly, fat, and smart, I was the quiet nerd that sat at the back of the class and didn't speak and definately didn't speak up for myself or others that were going through it. I have been bullied my whole life and I thought I had grown out of it. I realized last year at this time, that I was still be bullied by the person that I thought was my best friend.

 

We actually covered this a few months ago when we were talking about Battle Buddies and toxic relationships. We all go through this and often this is the reason why we don't participate in our FRGs and embrace a group like ours. We are widerange group of spouses, that are different, have different beliefs and likes, different histories but we have this awesome Military life in common. We tolerate no drama, no bullies. Yet we allow people to bully us outside of this group. When we "jokingly" make fun of  what someone wears, their weight, looks, etc. and say "just kidding" we accept the bullying tactic to occur. It has become a society norm and it is WRONG! Our kids have learned this from watching us and they think it is okay. Parents can't see what their kids are doing because they do it themselves. Well, I for one and tired of it! I don't my daughter or your daughter to be the statistic that brings it to our front door. So I have added to my resolutions: I will not allow bullies to win and I will not be a part of the bully cycle anymore. I will love all of us for the way we are, we are beautiful and unique and we were made that way for a reason.

 

 I have realized over the past 20 years that the bullies that we grow up with, grow up to either fall on their face or continue to bully as an adult. I finally found my voice as an adult and fight for myself and for others, it is why I am telling you this today. Find your strength, talk to someone, if you are being harassed by other spouses, etc. talk to someone, talk to anyone. There are professionals available who really do care and they can't help you fix it, if they don't share it and find your determination to fight for you. There are kids and adults going through the same thing you are going through, you don't have to go through it alone and you don't have to stand up to it alone. Eventually, it does get better even though it feels like it never will. Whatever you do.....DON'T GIVE UP!

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Yesterday was a day of completely mixed emotions, running from the point of extreme anger and frustration from dealing with petty people to the point of extreme joy and relief. All within about an hour period. It was a crazy morning! My friends gave words of encouragement which really helped me stay positive. Thank you to all of them for that! Seeing those messages, texts, emails, etc. truly began my ascent from the emotional freefall I was in. My full fledge happy dance came shortly after noon when I received a phone call that I have waited a long time for. My joy and sense of relief sent me soaring. I think I looked like Snoopy when he does his happy dance. By the end of the day, I got to focus on ME. A little known fact about me: a volunteer with our local Arts Council and participate in Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre. I started on a new "play" last night. Total fun and I get to be someone else for a little bit. Okay, it's a legitimate way for me to play dress-up and pretend. So....now you know.

A true grown-up moment (darn it)

Posting a little late, okay a day late but I did take some ME time last night. I used laughter as a preventative medicine against anger and frustration. End result: I felt much better and was able to relax and let go. I did have a moment of happiness yesterday morning, well I thought I did but my happiness actually came a little later when I realized what I had experienced earlier was gloating not happiness. I didn't like how the gloating made me feel. I felt a little evil and frankly nauseated. Once I realized what I was doing, I felt better.  I was happy that I saw the difference, ..aahhhh now there was my true moment of happiness! A little later, I was faced with a frustrating situation that oh so surprisingly involved the same person from before. Instead of allowing myself to fester or get angry, I went home. I vented to my hubby on the way home, who still has the tendency to try to "fix" the problem and then found the dumbest thing on TV that had me laughing until I cried. By bedtime, I felt 100% better. Laughter truly is the best medicine.

A blank page and a moment of happiness

"We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day." ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce.

Today was Christmas tear down day in our house which is so sad to me because my house almost looks sad and dark. I decided to leave one strand of white lights up in the doorway between the kitchen and living room to remind me of the light of the season. As we were tearing everything down and repacking several tote boxes, I paused and looked my awesome hubby who was vacuuming all the remnants of Christmas off the floor and realized that moment right there was my moment of happiness for today. I was so happy that he was right there with me, helping me because I know he won't be here next Christmas. I watched him and thanked my lucky star for the gift of him. Okay, now that I said the nice part of that I can say this: I could have smacked him when he started tearing stuff down because I didn’t get to finish my coffee. Really???? It couldn’t have waited just another fifteen minutes? I cherish those moments every morning. Oh well, can’t sweat the small stuff. Like I said, next time it will just be me.

Today I spent time relaxing, reading, watching football, and working on the story I have put off writing for about 18 years. Not bad, not bad. Day 2 of New Me journey: goals accomplished.

Happy New Year and new me (aka my decision to defy gravity this year)

New Year's Day...a symbol of a new beginning, a clean slate, another chance....We have all made our resolutions and try like crazy to uphold them. Can we do it? Will we do it? Am I brave enough to make myself accountable to others, to bare it all and share my successes and failures with others? This year I have decided to take a leap of faith, to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap and defy gravity. The gravity of convention, of our rules and limits set by others. I am starting a few different things this year. Surprise....this is one of them...to share every day my successes, my failures, my moments of happiness. There are 366 days this year and I am bound and determined to find at least 366 moments of happiness to share with others. I will even be blogging about it every day on here.

This year I will deploy my awesome GI Joe one more time, this time to a new war zone. That scares the hell out of me. I will help my oldest child celebrate his 21^st birthday, seriously where the hell did the time go? I will watch my second child graduate high school, move away and start college (most likely), have my two babies both go to high school (again, seriously where did the time go?), and redeploy one unit only to deploy another at work. Wow, I just realized that none of that has anything to do with me. Yes, me! I have finally realized that I cannot completely care for others if I am not caring for myself.

 Somewhere along the way, I let Me fall to the wayside. Put my dreams, my hopes, often my needs on the back burner so that everyone else in the house and in my life was first. Well, that stops now! Dammit, I need, no I have to be first so that I can be all that I can be for everyone else. What does that mean? Not bringing as much work home at night so I can work on something else, whether it is reading a book, quilting a baby blanket, or vegetating in front of the television for twelve straight hours watching SVU marathons (don’t judge…it was an awesome day in my PJs: just me, the wine, and Elliott Stabler). Get my butt back to the gym on a regular basis, do more volunteer work, to let go of toxic relationships that I know will never get better because the other person will never see the issues and finally,  this is the big one: write every day. Years ago, my GI Joe told me I needed to write books not just read them. In the meantime, eighteen years have passed and the characters in my head are giving me a headache from all the pounding they are doing up there. Seriously, they want out! So….this year, I am evicting them. While I am doing all this and more (I haven’t even mentioned the baking but that truly is another story…actually another blog), I will be telling others about it on Facebook and this blog.

So this will make it official, I hereby resolve to make Me a priority during 2012, to write my book, blog every day, and to tackle everything that life and the Army throw at me and to tell others about my success and/or failure and to find at least one moment of happiness every day and share it with others. This year I will have twelve personal commandments to remember: Be Me. Let it go. Act the way I want to feel. Do it now. Be polite and fair. Enjoy the process. Spend out. Identify the problem. Lighten up. Do what out to be done. No calculation. And finally: to remember that there is only love. I am going to defy gravity this year because everyone deserves a chance to fly!

“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” ~Colette

Moments you wish you could change

This morning, I told my spouse how much I was proud of him and how hard it is to send him off to TDYs and deployments, especially the deployments. I wanted him to know that it is not a walk in the park and it hurts to send him off but I want him to know that I am strong and can do this time apart so he won't have to worry. The exchange between us was great and we shared our love and pride for each other. Then on the drive home several hours later, he said that he felt like we made him feel like it was no big deal that he left, especially when he came home on R&R both times. The first time, we had car troubles and the car wouldn't drive very fast and I was late getting home to him. Strike one! The second time, I was moving us into the new house that I had just bought and got stuck in traffic and was late getting to the airport. Strike two!

I have apologized numerous times but he just tells me that I don't get it and don't understand how it feels. I told him that I have beaten myself up since then numerous times. God, did he think I wanted to be late and disappoint him? Why would I? I love him with all my heart and soul and if I didn't I could have left a long time ago. This is not an easy life. This life can suck so bad. I see divorce every day but I know that we are strong and can work through anything but yet I have failed him and our marriage.
He has always told us that he doesn't want the signs, doesn't want the show but then tonight he tells me that he would have liked to have that stuff. Knowing how he is, we have done as he asked even though it hurt us to not celebrate his homecoming the same way everyone else does. Just to find out that he really would have liked that. It's so confusing and frustrating.

If I could go back two or even five years, I would in a heartbeat. I would be at the airport three hours early and have signs and balloons everywhere but I can't because life doesn't let us go back and change those moments that we screw up. We just have to move on and accept the things we cannot change and find a way to make it better when we face it again. These kinds of moments end relationships. Will it end ours? No because we won't let it. Will it cause problems? Already has but that is part of life. Life has bumps in the road, it is never smooth sailing, if it was it would be too easy and BORING. Now I am armed with precious information for the future. I know what he would really like despite what he has told us repeatedly and I will never be late for a plane, train or automobile again. Will it hurt? Sure but it is supposed to that is how we learn. We learn from the moments that cause us pain and strife. Don't think I will ever be the wife that begs him not to go, since it only hurts him but I will show him more often how hard it is to let him go and how hard it is to say good-bye and be strong. I am not afraid of showing him anymore and there will be no Strike three.

White Sangria (aka Drunk Fruit swimming in a sea of love)

For our annual 4th of July BBQ, I decided to make a pitcher of Sangria but I wanted the white Sangria like the kind you get at Olive Garden. (I love that stuff...yumm) I was inspired by the fruit that I picked up at the Farmer's Market and the wonderful bottle of Sauvignon Blanc that the wine fairy delivered the day before. So the following is the concoction that was light and fruity and perfect for the afternoon by the pool with friends and family.

• 2 Bottles of white wine (Riesling, Albarino, Chablis, Gewurztraminer, Pinot Gris, Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc)
• 1 cup white sugar
• 3 oranges (sliced) or may substitute 1 cup of orange juice)
• 1 lemon (sliced)
• 1 lime (sliced)
• 5 strawberries (sliced)
• 1 cup of fresh pineapple
• 1 peach (sliced)
• 2 oz. brandy (optional) ( I used the Apple Brandy that we brought home from Normandy, France and wow is it strong)
• 1/2 liter of ginger ale or club soda (ginger ale for those with a sweeter tooth!)

Preparation:

Pour the sugar in the pitcher and follow it with the Brandy. Pour the wine in the pitcher and cut the fruit into slices. Chill overnight. This allows the fuit to get nice and drunk.  Add ginger ale or club soda just before serving.

If you'd like to serve right away, use chilled white wine and serve over lots of ice.
 
Addition ideas:  handful of fresh blueberries, raspberries, kiwi, a shot or two of gin, brandy or rum, a cup of citrus-flavored soda pop.

This is light and refreshing and I served it in a large red wine goblet full of fruit from the pitcher. Enjoy and Happy 4th of July!!